(1) Barisan has announced that its new national symbol is the Condom, because it accurately reflects the government stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks and gives us a sense of security while we're actually being screwed!

(2) Pak Lah and Samy Vellu were in a helicopter looking down Kuala Lumpur . Pak Lah said, "Samy, if I throw two RM100 notes down, two people will be happy."

Not wanting to be outdone, Samy said, "If I throw 2 hundreds RM1 notes, 2 hundreds people will be happy."

The pilot heard the conversation and said, "If I throw the two of you down, 27 million Malaysians will be happy."

(3) Three guys were arguing as to what race Adam and Eve were. The Malay guy said they must be Malay as they are so good looking. The Chinese guy said that they must be Chinese as they are so calm even with a snake. The Indian guy said that they must be Malaysian-Indian as they have no shelter, no clothes, no money, share one apple, advised by a snake who told them that they are living in paradise!

(4) Pak Lah, Najib, Shahrizat and Anwar were sitting in a KTM train heading up to Penang for campaigning. Near Ipoh , the train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark.

Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!

The train comes out of the tunnel. Shahrizat and Pak Lah are sitting there looking perplexed.

Najib is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap.

All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Pak Lah is thinking: "These guys are all crazy after Shahrizat. Najib must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him."

Shahrizat is thinking: "Najib must have moved to kiss me, but kissed Pak Lah instead and got slapped."

Najib is thinking: "Damn it, Pak Lah must have tried to kiss Shahrizat, she thought it was me and slapped me instead."

Anwar is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Najib again."

Songs Dedicated To Uncle Sami



Samy : Raaja kaiya vaccha.. athu wronga ponathille….

Makkal : Poda Poda Punnaakku.. Podathe tappu kanakku…..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Makkal : aadiya aattam enna ... thediya selvam enna...

Samy : satti suttathada kai vitta thada...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Samy : veedu varai uravu... veethi varai manavi... kaadu varai pilllai kadasi varai yaaro?

Makkal : vetri nichayam ithu onggappa sathyam... kolgai velvathey naanggal konda latchiyam..
enggalai mathithaal uyirai kondu kaapom.. enggalai mithithaal irandil ondru paarpom..
ade nanba... unmai solvom.. savaaal vendaam.. unnai velvom ...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Samy : Nenjam Undu.. Nermai Undu.. Odu raja.. neram varum kaatthirunthu Paaru raja…

Indrani : Pogateh.. pogateh en kanavaa.. pollaatha soppanam nanum kandem.. Muttai adiyum
Seruppu Adiyum vaanga kanden…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sheila Nayar : Nalam thaana... nalam thaana.. udalum ullamum nalam thaana ...

Samy : Oru poiyaavathu sol kanne.. un purusan Vel Paari endru.. Antha poiyil uyir valven..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Samy : yen piranthaai magane ... yen piranthaayo..

Vel paari : un kuthma... en kuthama... yaarai na kutham solla ..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Samy : maadi mela maadi katti koado koadi sertuvaitha seemane..
hello hello.. come on come on.. seemane ...
Vishwanathan (badawi) vela venum ...

Badawi : Nan oru muttaalunge.. Nallaa padichavanga naalu peru Sonnange…

Doctor Vs Engine Mechanic



A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.


The mechanic shouted across the Garage,"Hello Doctor! Please come over here for a minute.


" The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively,


"So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one.


So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? "


The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic :


What did he say ??? Guess ......> ...

...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...


He said : "Try to do it when the engine is running".

Ah Ah, Nice song to "uncle" Sami

Once in a heavily crowded bus three guys were seated, while three girls besides them were standing. By understanding their problems, the guys offered the girls to sit on each of their laps.
Without hesitation the girls agreed and each of the girl sits on a guy's lap.

After some time the first girl asks the first guy if he was a Mechanical Engineer. He replies with wonder, "Yes..! How did You Know?" She answers, "Your p iston is starting to hit my cylinders"

After quite some movement, the second girl asks the second guy, "Are you an Electrical Engineer?" Astonished, the guy asks, "What makes you ask this question?" She says, "Hmmm.... I am recei ving shock waves from your laser gun"

Then finally the third girl asks the other guy a question with an embarrassing voice, "Hello.. you are a great Civil Engineer, aren 't you?" To which he exclaims with wonder, "Certainly.. how did you know?" She replied, "It's no secret your dam is broken and its flooded my village."